The problem behind sex, isn't sex

Personally, I am a young twenty –one year old female who considers herself to be straight. In the American society and most of the world, I wouldn’t be given a second glance. My sexuality is “normal’.  I share the same sexuality as many women across the world.  Being a woman and liking men isn’t interesting. However, if I were a woman who liked other women, then we would have a problem. Sexuality is important is society. I am still confused as to why this is true. Why does it matter to my next door neighbor if someone chooses to be gay or lesbian? Even more confusing, is why does the government care enough about people’s sexuality to create laws in which they can tell you who you can love?

                Michael Warren makes various claims in his novel The Trouble with Normal. One claims that he makes right in the beginning of his novel is that society is focused on sexually shaming others. He makes the statement that sex is something that we judge others on. And this is true not just for the gay community but for everyone. Sex is an important part of passing into adulthood. As teenagers we look forward to sex. Some people see sex as something that an adult has to do. Others see sex as a way to prove your worth. In the American society sex has become more of a tool than an act of love or even enjoyment. We judge others based on their sexual lives. It matters who you have sex with, when you have sex and how many people you have sex with. It seems that the whole point of sex now a days, is to shame others.

                Shaming people based on their sex lives has become a huge part of our society. Women who have too much sex are viewed negatively. They are called sluts or whore and other vulgar terms. On the other hand men who have a lot of sex are seen as “players” and men who simply get around.  However, I don’t know what gay men and lesbian women are called. This group of people is shamed in a different way. Instead of acknowledging gay men and lesbian women’s sexuality, we as a society ignore it. That is not to say that judging others is a good thing, however, the gay community is shamed in a different way. Society wants to ignore the fact that gay people exist so we begin by ignoring them. Sexual shaming is don’t differently depending on who is being talked about.  It seems that sex has become more than an act of love or even reproduction. In today’s society, having sex determines your worth. But more importantly your gender and your sexual orientation has a stronger role in determining this worth.

                We know as a society that sexual shaming and shaming people based on their sexuality exists. So then what should we do to stop this shaming? Michael Warner suggest sexual autonomy. “What would it take to make sexual autonomy possible? The answer is not simply to roll back repression, loosen all constraint, purge ourselves from all civilized shame, it is to make room for new freedoms, new experiences, new pleasures, new identities, and new bodies. Pleasures once imaginable only with disgust, if at all, become the material out of which individuals and groups elaborate themselves.” Warner wants there to be more acceptances of all types of sexuality and sexual acts. And why shouldn’t we be. As Warner said, sex isn’t always pleasurable and sometimes it is icky and gross but we still do it.

                It’s the year 2015, almost 2016. Have we come a long way from sexual shaming? Maybe, maybe not. Gay men and women have received their right to marry whomever they want. A huge step in the right direction. However, we should be having more conversations on people’s sexuality. It is apparent that sexual orientation is important so let’s talk about it. Hi, my name is… and I like… If we are going to judge people based on their sexual orientation let’s put it all out there. Also let’s actually talk about sex. Perhaps there would be less sex shaming if we were able to act mature and talk about what sex is and not hide behind our shaming. A step in the right direction would be sex education for all. As human beings we don’t come into this world knowing what sex is and how it works. We should learn what it is before we actually go and have sex. Maybe if we all, as a society, were given knowledge on sex there world would be a better place. Imagine that, learning about sex could make the world better?