Public Sexualization

Opening Michael Warner’s book “The Trouble with Normal” was really the first time that I had been introduced to the ethics of sexual shaming and, more specifically, the concept of how we as a society exercise control over other people’s sex life. I lamented, “All this wasted time not understanding how to fully liberate myself sexually…” Of course I had been exposed to ideas about sexual oppression and particularly women’s oppression through sex, but full sexual liberation has always been an idea that’s approached cautiously.

Though as a woman of color in the United States, it’s really no wonder why sexual liberation is a subject that I’ve been taught to be weary of. Belonging to a marginalized ethnic community in the US, our bodies are prime targets for exotification and sexualization by the patriarchy for the main stream. If Warner thinks that our obsession with sex while scandalizing it presents a paradox for “American culture” (21), then this paradox is easily amplified 100x for minorities in the US.

Resisting this colonized narrative of our bodies is easily mixed up with sexual shaming and respectability politics. Huffington Post author Tatiana Tenreyro writes about the depiction of Latina sexuality in popular media (i.e. Modern Family and The League) which she says, “[It] perpetuates the concept that Latinas who are open about their sexuality should not be respected, which can be quite harmful.” Essentially, sexuality is handed to us in quite a mixed bag, and it can be very difficult to sort out what parts need liberating and what parts are lending to the over sexualized narrative which is oppressing us.

I remember my mom’s sex talk like this, “I don’t want to traumatize you by teaching you about sex the same way I was taught about sex, so I prefer not to tell you anything at all.” While I commend my mom for recognizing the utter madness in her “sexual education” and her desire for something different for her children, I believe that this narrative is all too common and could also have some depressing results.

Reflecting on my ideas of sex I found that I took on a very similar approach to sex as my mother did. Even if I wanted to be sexually liberated, I would refrain from talking about sex because I was scared of perpetuating misinformation and cautious of when it was “appropriate” to bring sex into the conversation. But NO ONE (especially not my public school) was talking about sex and my skepticism around the topic probably wasn’t helping, so how did I expect to get the proper information to form an opinion about sex?

Warner expresses the possibility that “queer sexual culture, that each touch, gesture, or sensation condenses lessons learned not only through one’s own experience, but through the experience of others.” This is raising the radical idea that humans aren’t born with unlimited knowledge about sex and their sexuality. Even queering sex means sharing and experiencing with others to reach an understanding of your own sexuality. With this thought, Warner uncovers the paradoxical reality that sex is “simultaneously public…and extremely intimate.”  This paradox is possibly what makes sex so vulnerable and unique, because while it is a private and intimate affair, it is also undeniably influenced by the public. According to Warner, this paradox becomes problematic when the public aspect of sex is denied and pushed into the shadows.

While particularly in the beginning of chapter 2 Warner seems to be advocating for the complete anticensorship in order to secure sex and sexuality a space in public, he does get close to recognizing the problematic aspects of anticensorship. Warner acknowledges the work of antiporn and antisex feminist who fought male dominated portrayals of women in media, but he makes it sound as if the need for this kind of work is a thing of the past. As a Mexican-American female in the US, I can tell you that there is still a desperate need for to fight the white male dominated portrayals of sexuality in popular media. While I am not advocating to keep sex out of public spaces, we should still be highly critical of how public sex is being portrayed and particularly how these portrayals are affecting marginalized and minority communities.

Creating the space for sex and sexuality to be discussed in public without fear of repercussions seems like a much more effective model for promoting education and liberation. None the less, there needs to be a drastic restructuring of the ways in which sex and sexuality is currently portrayed publicly. Moving these conversations into the public can allow for marginalized communities to reclaim their sexuality from the white male dominated perspective, but this is something that must come from marginalized communities themselves.

Organization such as Colorado Organization for Latina Opportunity and Reproductive Rights (COLOR) have taken the initiative to reclaim sexuality by creating the space to openly talk about sex and fight to protect our reproductive rights. While we retreat and hide our sexuality in fear of subscribing to the colonized portrayals of Latina sexuality, our community’s sexual health is in crisis. While Warner criticizes recent generation for not being active enough in defending their sexual rights since there has been a sense of relief from the AIDS crisis, it can be said that further marginalized communities are yet to experience the privilege of living without crisis. Warner concludes his book by stating that even after the AIDS crisis communities of color are disproportionately affected by issues such as access to health care and sex education. Lack of education, restricted healthcare, and sexual stigmas that our communities face is a crisis. As COLOR states, “Our sexuality, our health, our familia. Worth talking about.” And it is about time that we are able to talk about sex and sexuality, but it must be in our language.