The Consequences of Normal

What is normal? In America, holds an archaic and sacred meaning; "...normal means healthy, proper, right," (57), or, whatever the majority of the population is doing, so look to your left, and then to your right; these are the currently acceptable trends, beliefs, and behaviors. However, there are people who stray from the social norms, and these ‘deviants’ are stigmatized. “...people who belong to the majority feel superior to those who do not,” (54). What is the reason for an entire culture to strive to fit into a ‘normal’ range of statistics and look down upon anyone who doesn’t feel the same need to conform? Everything comes with its own set of politics; and with all politics comes a manipulative and influential force; in sexuality, it is shame. It is because our social structures are kept in tact via politics, the media, and the manipulation of their own sexual shame.
Diogenes, an Athenian philosopher, “…thought that the sense of shame was hypocrisy, a denial of our appetitive nature.” Since we are currently—still—living in a society where sex is shameful and a taboo subject, most can’t bring themselves to talk about it. Sex, an act so perverse, so animalistic and dirty, it causes a discomfort so overbearing, humans do something they’ve always done: pin it on someone else. Sexual shame is a force that sways the nation; even the white male is a possible victim of his own stigmatization.
Shame reinforces the norms that it stems from, and it proves to be a useful and profitable factor for institutions (namely big businesses, religions, governments) who use this emotion to keep people from straying too far from whatever they’re trying to mainstream.
The idea of anything being 'normal' based on numbers is already strange to me, but the effect that the norms of society have on humans is even more unearthly. Norms are constraining in the way that people are unable to behave in true autonomy. Many people don’t know that they like something until they’ve tried it, so many people will never know their true desires or real selves (7). Norms are expectant and set standards for children that don’t know anything else, and here, norms can go from being descriptive of our behavior, to prescriptive in our future generation's. Norms rob people of their status, their self-worth, and their individuality.
Going back to the idea of normal meaning things like proper or healthy, I’d like to consider some of the normal social structures in America: the patriarchy, the sexualization of young women, the oppression and de-validation of certain classes and religions, low self-esteem or self-deprecation. Norms create the possibility of very harmful social stigma and self-perceptions being projected not only onto our youth but our entire population.
By adhering to this strange set of otherwise useless set of standards, we’re allowing ourselves to be manipulated into projecting our own shame onto other humans, putting others down to climb to the top. By stigmatizing, and humiliating others, we are comforted in our own shame. Stigma will not disappear with acceptance. It is often handed off to another as society grows to be more acceptant of the possible differences; but the existence of norms still holds the stigmas in place, and anytime someone becomes angry they'll be quick to throw your sexual differences in your face to be cruel and instill you with a handful of old-fashioned, sexual shame (I like to imagine Dale with his pocket sand).
To live in America is to live in a hypersexualized world; we oversexualize our women and young girls, use sex to sell everything under the sun, and then we are shocked and generally become defensive if the subject is brought up. It’s the norm to ignore the elephants fucking in the room. This is why (partially) I believe many heterosexual people who are aroused by same-sex porn. In the heterosexual culture, there is a silence around sex. In homosexual culture, sexuality is a normal and popular topic, due to the liberative nature of expressing identity. In a world where you’re shamed for asking questions (even informational ones) about sex is responded to with wide eyes and harsh tones as a child, there is something attractive about a culture that is open and sexual and unashamed. So when people find themselves enjoying same sex porn (even if they do not identify as homosexual), they’re not only aroused by the videos themselves, but the liberation from sexual constraints that they are experiencing.
In gay culture, it is acceptable to discuss, to explore, learn about yourself, and be yourself. "The world was homophobic before they were any homosexuals for it to be phobic about," (6) because homosexuality opens all of the doors that we’ve been trying so hard to keep closed. Humans aren't aren't stagnant. We change, and eventually, we will surpass the pressure to fall in line with norms and change them. “The point of a movement is to bring about a time when the loathing for queer sex, or gender variance, will no longer distort people’s lives,” (39). After seeing what striving to be normal can do to a person, it is more evident how striving to have homosexuality become a ‘norm,’ and why gay marriage isn’t the best focus; the end goal has always been to liberate sexuality (see my rant about it here in another post!) and to deconstruct the oppressive norms backed by sexual shaming. People kill themselves for enough reasons, being a ‘deviant’ by standards of social constructs shouldn’t be another one of them—Leelah Alcorn is a victim of the dangers of sexual shame, read her story here. By "...wishing that their peers would be a little less queer, a little more decent," (50) is a notion that many homosexual people carry of their peers. However, removing the diversity and queerness of queer supports the same stigma and marginalization that surround norms.